sooooo.... good news! My cousin was accepted to the neuro-rehab and should be admitted tomorrow :) I am so happy for that news because I have heard nothing but great stories about this place. I'm so glad God's will is for him to go there for his rehabilitation :)
Well I went to go see him one last time while he was still in town since I knew it would be a while before I can head down to rehab place he will be moved to. But I towards the end of my visit, my aunt (the one who has disowned us) showed up with her husband, kids, and my grandfather (her dad). She saw me and turned around talking about how she'll "be right back". It makes me sad that she is not prepared to act like an adult in this situation. But, I cannot control her actions or her feelings toward my family... I can only control my actions and my feelings. I know all the aspects of the situation are God's will, so I will never really understand the bigger picture here. But I do know that those I share that 'family' feel with, I am blessed to have in my life. The family that I do still talk to, I would do anything for (and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual).
The whole situation sucks (in my opinion), but it's not under my control. We've all done what we have done, and that is that. I have pretty much made my peace with what she has done (for the most part), and she can face what she has done when it comes her time with God (as we all got to).
Monday, Monday
today started off kind of blah, but it definitely ended on a good note :)
Went into work later than usual since my neck was bothering me, and the day was kind of slow. But I was able to finalize an overnight trip to Texas to see some family I hadn't seen in a while :) I also got to hang out with my bff who I had not seen in a while. Also, I am working on finishing up a care package to send to my deployed bro-in-law later this week :)
My cousin BJ was evaluated for the neuro-rehab center again, but this time his responses were much better. We should know tomorrow on whether or not he was accepted or not (but supposedly his chances looked good).
Busy week ahead:
tomorrow (Tuesday): pick some blackberries after work at a co-workers (yum!)
Wednesday: Dr. Reid/Criminal Minds season finale night @ Emma's
Thursday: hang out with Nik/Superior (?)
Friday: SatC 2 with some of my favorite ladies!
Saturday & Sunday: trip to TX :)
Monday: no work (declared a holiday for state employees)!
Went into work later than usual since my neck was bothering me, and the day was kind of slow. But I was able to finalize an overnight trip to Texas to see some family I hadn't seen in a while :) I also got to hang out with my bff who I had not seen in a while. Also, I am working on finishing up a care package to send to my deployed bro-in-law later this week :)
My cousin BJ was evaluated for the neuro-rehab center again, but this time his responses were much better. We should know tomorrow on whether or not he was accepted or not (but supposedly his chances looked good).
Busy week ahead:
tomorrow (Tuesday): pick some blackberries after work at a co-workers (yum!)
Wednesday: Dr. Reid/Criminal Minds season finale night @ Emma's
Thursday: hang out with Nik/Superior (?)
Friday: SatC 2 with some of my favorite ladies!
Saturday & Sunday: trip to TX :)
Monday: no work (declared a holiday for state employees)!
light and dark, life and death... both sides of prayer
While talking to a friend today, she had told me some sad news... a friend of her's who was sick in ICU had died. It made me sad for her and for the girl's family because I had just said a prayer for her the night before.
It made me think about prayers. We like to think that God answers our prayers by doing what we ask. When in actuality, we pray that the prayers we ask of him are his will, because that's what God does... his will. Sometimes his will are the same as our prayers, sometimes they are not. When that happens, we tend to be sad and not understand why our prayers were not answered. We are not seeing God's bigger picture or his plan. I have faith everything happens for a reason, and that everything will work out how it is supposed to. I do not try to understand God's will because I am not meant to.
Of course I am happy that God's will and my prayers for my cousin are generally the same. He is doing so wonderful. He is so awake and alert and moving around. Hopefully he will be talking and walking soon. And of course I am sad that God's will and my prayers for the girl who died were not the same. But I am trying to think of the fact that God took at her at that moment for a greater, yet unknown reason. I know I still struggle with my grief and confusion from losing several of my close family members because I still struggle to understand what I am not supposed to understand.
Even though his will and my prayers do not always mesh, it does not make me pray any less. In fact it makes me pray more. Prayer is like my own personal conversation with God, and it is never one-sided :)
It made me think about prayers. We like to think that God answers our prayers by doing what we ask. When in actuality, we pray that the prayers we ask of him are his will, because that's what God does... his will. Sometimes his will are the same as our prayers, sometimes they are not. When that happens, we tend to be sad and not understand why our prayers were not answered. We are not seeing God's bigger picture or his plan. I have faith everything happens for a reason, and that everything will work out how it is supposed to. I do not try to understand God's will because I am not meant to.
Of course I am happy that God's will and my prayers for my cousin are generally the same. He is doing so wonderful. He is so awake and alert and moving around. Hopefully he will be talking and walking soon. And of course I am sad that God's will and my prayers for the girl who died were not the same. But I am trying to think of the fact that God took at her at that moment for a greater, yet unknown reason. I know I still struggle with my grief and confusion from losing several of my close family members because I still struggle to understand what I am not supposed to understand.
Even though his will and my prayers do not always mesh, it does not make me pray any less. In fact it makes me pray more. Prayer is like my own personal conversation with God, and it is never one-sided :)
12.0/3.0 =
well, it equals 4.0 which is my GPA for the semester :) yep got A's in all 3 of my classes. I am proud to say that I definitely worked hard to earn those 3 little letters. So that means 6 semesters down, only 3 semesters (that's only 6 classes) to go!!! guess I should order my reward soon (see previous post)...
I went to work today and survived working a full day (8.3 hours to be exact). My pain medicine makes me a little sleepy, so it was a little hard to stay awake, but I did it. It was weird to not really talk all day (guess this means I talk too much!), but I survived.
I am feeling much better than I have been. I think this will be my last night at the parent's house sadly, but I am ready to get back to my own bed :)
well bout to get ready for bed since another full day tomorrow!
love and prayers to all :)
I went to work today and survived working a full day (8.3 hours to be exact). My pain medicine makes me a little sleepy, so it was a little hard to stay awake, but I did it. It was weird to not really talk all day (guess this means I talk too much!), but I survived.
I am feeling much better than I have been. I think this will be my last night at the parent's house sadly, but I am ready to get back to my own bed :)
well bout to get ready for bed since another full day tomorrow!
love and prayers to all :)
pain = no fun
so (knock on wood), I think I'm feeling more on the upside of my teeth surgery... I may actually go back to work tomorrow.
Last night was horrible. Migraine + post surgery pain and swelling = bad. I'm really thankful that my parents are taking such good care of me.
so now hopefully I can enjoy the following 3 weeks off of school till summer semester starts...
still waiting for all my final grades to be posted, and if they are what I think they are, I am totally treating myself to a new swimsuit!
totally can't wait to order it from ModCloth :)
Last night was horrible. Migraine + post surgery pain and swelling = bad. I'm really thankful that my parents are taking such good care of me.
so now hopefully I can enjoy the following 3 weeks off of school till summer semester starts...
still waiting for all my final grades to be posted, and if they are what I think they are, I am totally treating myself to a new swimsuit!
totally can't wait to order it from ModCloth :)
finally got rid of them
so this morning I got my 4 impacted wisdom teeth out... this is the first time I have lost an original body part lol
Surgery went really well I am happy to report. This afternoon was when I was in the most pain, but I am really really good now. Mouth is still sore (duh!) and can't open very wide. My Dad brought me to my appointment and took such great care of me afterwards... he made me some homemade chicken noodle soup and some chocolate pudding and just checked on me regularly to make sure if I needed anything at all. I have been blessed with such an amazing Dad (thanks God!). When my Mom got home from work, she was great too (thanks for her too God!) making sure I was comfortable and everything. I definitely can't wait to figure what to get my Dad for Father's day now next month to give him an amazing day like we did Mom.
* post-surgery pic... my sister dubbed me Mummy-Tut lol
on a great positive note, I am officially done with my spring semester... 6 semesters down!! only 3 more to go!
I will be reporting more on that school meeting I was worried about so much yesterday after I talk with my professor hopefully soon.
Surgery went really well I am happy to report. This afternoon was when I was in the most pain, but I am really really good now. Mouth is still sore (duh!) and can't open very wide. My Dad brought me to my appointment and took such great care of me afterwards... he made me some homemade chicken noodle soup and some chocolate pudding and just checked on me regularly to make sure if I needed anything at all. I have been blessed with such an amazing Dad (thanks God!). When my Mom got home from work, she was great too (thanks for her too God!) making sure I was comfortable and everything. I definitely can't wait to figure what to get my Dad for Father's day now next month to give him an amazing day like we did Mom.
* post-surgery pic... my sister dubbed me Mummy-Tut lolon a great positive note, I am officially done with my spring semester... 6 semesters down!! only 3 more to go!
I will be reporting more on that school meeting I was worried about so much yesterday after I talk with my professor hopefully soon.
worried worry
"Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere." - Glenn Turner
it is definitely giving me something to do right now... worrying about quite a few things right now
1.) getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow
- not really too worried about the procedure, but of course since they are cutting my teeth out I'm not too thrilled about it.
2.) meeting tomorrow at school concerning the internship program I'm supposed to be doing in the fall
- I'm worried about this because a) I can't go because of my oral surgery tomorrow and b) concerns possible change of plans for the future. The meeting was announced yesterday and involves not just the newbies who are starting the program (like me) but also the ones who will doing it for the 2nd and final semester of internship. This worries me... a lot. My main concern is that because of possible budget cuts that the internship will not be paid anymore (it is now @ $10/hr, not much but hey better than no pay at all). I can't really work with internship, so I would be living off loans alone if this is the case. I would really prefer it not come to that. So I have to wait to hear what news is to be said until one of my classmates calls me tomorrow after it...
a-yi-yi-yi
a smile and a laugh
"Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing." - Mother Teresa
So my cousin was moved from ICU to a long term care facility till he can hopefully get moved to the neuro-rehab facility. He makes so many little steps every day. He still has a long way to go, but I know God will lead him out of the hospital one day after his recovery journey is over. But the nice thing about this place is the more open visiting hours (instead of 30min every 4hrs).
I went to visit after work with him and the family. I was so lucky to see the most amazing act... BJ smiled and laughed as his girlfriend and niece tickled his hand. It was such a truly blessed sight. My heart was filled with so much love and happiness. God is truly doing his will with BJ's recovery. I have complete faith that BJ will get to walk out of the hospital one day. I know it will be a long, arduous journey, but what a better companion to have than God by your side?
on another happy note... I finished my last paper (piece of work) for the spring semester, and all I have left is to attend class tomorrow night to get my 200pts (counts as my final)... then I'm done! well for 3 weeks anyways lol
new beginnings
"With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I was just thinking about this earlier today about something I had read while I was at adoration this past weekend.
Every day, every hour, every minute is the chance of a new start and beginning. God gives us the opportunity so many times in our life to try and try again. Most of us don't even think about this chance or don't even consider it thinking what we did was so bad or wrong. I believe God challenges us to take these moments and better ourselves from this previous one. It doesn't have to be anything major or mind-blowing, just little things. We can learn how to grow and be better people both inside ourselves and towards others.
It also ties into the thought of mindfulness, to live in the moment. We take every breath we are giving and just live it to the best of our ability. We do not live in the past, nor do we live in the future... we live in the now. If you focus on the past, you will be living your life in the past and forget to live in the present... same can be said about the future.
so close
such a double-edged title...
This semester of school is so close to end, I can taste the sweetness on my tongue. Only 1 more paper to write up and an open-notes finals... officially done next Wednesday evening (since I have attend 1 last substance abuse class which counts as my 200pt final... no go = no 200 points :p). Which also happens to be the night before I get my wisdom teeth out... oh joy lol.
This also refers to my cousin, he is making slow baby steps in recovery. God is answering our prayers one at a time. He is brain is in such a deep fog... I pray to God several times a day for him to help my cousin to find his way through the fog. I know he can do it. Our family is praying that he gets accepted to a nice neuro-rehab center soon where he can better recover. If you read this, please pray for him.
much love and off to bed!
This semester of school is so close to end, I can taste the sweetness on my tongue. Only 1 more paper to write up and an open-notes finals... officially done next Wednesday evening (since I have attend 1 last substance abuse class which counts as my 200pt final... no go = no 200 points :p). Which also happens to be the night before I get my wisdom teeth out... oh joy lol.
This also refers to my cousin, he is making slow baby steps in recovery. God is answering our prayers one at a time. He is brain is in such a deep fog... I pray to God several times a day for him to help my cousin to find his way through the fog. I know he can do it. Our family is praying that he gets accepted to a nice neuro-rehab center soon where he can better recover. If you read this, please pray for him.
much love and off to bed!
blessings
"I have seen,
The healing hand of God,
Reaching out and mending broken hearts.
Taste and see the fullness of His peace,
And hold on to what's being held out.
The healing hand of God..." - Jeremy Camp: Healing Hand of God
God has been laying his healing hand on my cousin and answering our prayers for him in our family. He answers one little prayer at a time. First, he answered when he let him pull through and not die. Then, he answered by showing us that my cousin did not have as much brain damage as we thought. And now, he answers by letting him improve and recover a little bit each day. It makes me so happy and thankful to hear all these updates on him :)
I truly think that every thing happens for a reason and is all part of God's plan. He brought me back in touch with that part of my family (reference back to my post on forgiveness a few weeks ago). And I was able to help my other family members reconnect with them also. I was able to be there when my new cousin was born, and be there when this accident happened. Just make me go wow...
School is finally winding down! Only 2 papers, 1 project, and maybe 1 final left (should find out tomorrow in class)... woot!!!!
wave hello
the closing crazy weeks of school have just come to bid me hello...
I just really want to tell it "booyah! (and go to hell!)"
I just really want to tell it "booyah! (and go to hell!)"
broken heart
my heart hurts :(
no details, but please just keep my cousin and family in your prayers
oh how I love a good quote
We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures."- Thornton Wilder
it took me a little while to figure out what I wanted to write about... then I was just think about how grateful I am for what I have in life... it's not much, but it's enough.
to name a few: God, my family (especially since some broken bonds are slowly being mended), my friends, a house to live in, food to eat, a decent paying job, earning a graduate degree (despite the accumulating debt), freedom from persecution, relatively good health, an open heart, and the chance to help others...
All to often we forget what we have and complain about what we don't have. It usually takes losing something good to realize the value of what we even lost. Life may be tough, but chances are if you are reading this, you and I do not know what tough is.
I'm trying to call myself out to service more... to serve good to others. I do not give as often as I could... my selfishness > my selflessness. I am going to start praying for the Lord's help to help me to even or change the direction of it. Please pray for me as well if you are reading this...
if you're happy and you know it :)
I've been in a really great mood today... really don't know why.
Even in sitting in traffic this morning (30 extra minutes worth :p) didn't really phase it. It is such a wonderful feeling to be truly happy... to be happy for you and not someone else.
maybe I'm excited about things to come...
I mean after all, I only have 4 weeks left of school and my school work load keeps getting smaller and smaller. My sister and nephew are about to come down for a long visit (yay!). Family ties are getting mended. Excited about adoration on Sunday.
I really do love adoration... I find myself looking forward to it more and more each week :)
well enough chatter, I'm going to enjoy a rare night off from school work!!!
Even in sitting in traffic this morning (30 extra minutes worth :p) didn't really phase it. It is such a wonderful feeling to be truly happy... to be happy for you and not someone else.
maybe I'm excited about things to come...
I mean after all, I only have 4 weeks left of school and my school work load keeps getting smaller and smaller. My sister and nephew are about to come down for a long visit (yay!). Family ties are getting mended. Excited about adoration on Sunday.
I really do love adoration... I find myself looking forward to it more and more each week :)
well enough chatter, I'm going to enjoy a rare night off from school work!!!
another one bites the dust
ahhhh... the satisfaction of another paper done :) my week can wind down a little till I get ready for another week of papers :p
but...
- only 4 more papers (1 is a final)
- 2 projects (1 will done tomorrow evening)
- 2 finals
not looking to bad, almost in the home stretch!
but...
- only 4 more papers (1 is a final)
- 2 projects (1 will done tomorrow evening)
- 2 finals
not looking to bad, almost in the home stretch!
happy every day
"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it." - Groucho Marx
I had this on my Facebook today... seemed to be quite popular...
It's sometimes a hard thing to remember that we have the power ever single God-given day to choose whether or not it will be happy. We tend to remember the dead yesterdays and dwell on their happenings too much, or focus too much on the tomorrows which have not even come to fruition. Remembering to live in the now, to be mindful of where our mind and feelings are, only then can we be really happy :)
grumble grumble
I really do hate migraines. They totally ruin a perfectly good God-given day :p
Adoration was wonderful last night... even when I was so tired I thought I was going to go to sleep praying in my seat. Church this afternoon was nice also, albeit I was still a little sleepy.
went to lunch (and dinner) at my parents' since my Dad was grilling... but of course a migraine totally ruined my appetite since they tend to make me nauseous. So I took a Maxalt and laid down for what ended up being a 2hr-ish nap. I didn't intend to stay so late over there, but my parents didn't mind. Then I woke up so I could come home and work on the 2 papers I have due this week.
but... I still have a tinge in my head so I think I'm just going to lay down. They totally screw up my plans... I know I will get my papers done before they are due, but I would have liked to some work done on them.
(night)
Adoration was wonderful last night... even when I was so tired I thought I was going to go to sleep praying in my seat. Church this afternoon was nice also, albeit I was still a little sleepy.
went to lunch (and dinner) at my parents' since my Dad was grilling... but of course a migraine totally ruined my appetite since they tend to make me nauseous. So I took a Maxalt and laid down for what ended up being a 2hr-ish nap. I didn't intend to stay so late over there, but my parents didn't mind. Then I woke up so I could come home and work on the 2 papers I have due this week.
but... I still have a tinge in my head so I think I'm just going to lay down. They totally screw up my plans... I know I will get my papers done before they are due, but I would have liked to some work done on them.
(night)
when God opens a door...
Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. ~Paul Boese
Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself. ~Harriet Nelson
today was such an eclectic day.
early morning was spent with friends, Pictionary, and taco dip...
After coming home from that fun night, I received an unexpected phone call from my cousin that I had not seen or really spoken to in almost 1 1/2 years... they gave me an visit invitation... and I took it. I didn't think twice about saying no to them... it just felt right. I felt that God opened a door... and I am not one to deny the chance to go through it. He will not let me go anywhere I cannot handle without him by my side. I did not go scared or angry... I went with the hope and longing to close a wound that had been open too long on my soul.
I have been praying on many things lately: school, family, my faith questions, and being a better person overall. Well forgiveness seems like it fall under both the better person overall and faith questions categories.
Forgiveness is a tricky creature. There is always the quote "forgive and forget." That's always easier said than done. While progressing through the counseling program, I try to deal with my own personal issues to better be able to deal with client's. I have family issues, primarily in my extended family. Those of you who know me, know this. There was a lot of negative emotions, miscommunication, and heartbreak in the air over much of this. I tried looking back on it with fresh eyes, trying to see what I hadn't seen before. I always wondered however, how I could forgive those that had caused me so much sorrow? I know God commands us to forgive, and I wanted to... but my heart and mind were at odds mostly on this contention. I am presently trying at this fact to forgive. I know I cannot change the past, and it really does no good to dwell on it (except really to see what you learned from it). In myself, I put forgiveness and love together; to forgive someone was to open myself back to love them again. I am learning that I do not have to do that. I can forgive them, but I do not necessarily have to love them again. The person most I have been struggling most with this (an aunt) may be my blood, but I do not have to claim them as family. I just need to forgive her wrongs towards me, move on, and break the anchor of negative feelings that hold us together so I can move forward.
To me family is not blood, but a bond that cannot be explained. It is not a person, but a feeling of love and compassion toward the other. Family is not just connected by the blood cells running through our veins, but the feelings in our heart and soul. And I know I can't change the ways others feel about one another, but I know I can change my feelings within myself by my choice and choice alone.
less than an hour to adoration... I missed my date with God last week... We have so much to talk about, especially after today. I'm really excited to sit down and pray and reflect on what God opened up to me recently :)
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