put into focus

"When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence" - Ansel Adams

"If I could tell the story in words, I wouldn't need to lug around a camera." - Lewis Hine 

I started a 365 project on my Flickr right after the new year. Simple explanation of a 365 is that a picture is taken a day. It can be any everyday object, people, anything... I picked self-portraits. I usually am dissatisfied with most pictures I take of myself because I feel they do not capture what I see in myself. But in starting this project, I have found that I have started to. I have been using it almost as a diary. I usually try to capture an aspect of what I am thinking, feeling, or doing that day. And I am starting to  find, that is does capture some aspect of me.

It's being a great project in keeping me creative... and sane. Today starts my 8th and last semester in graduate school! But with it comes great anxiety and stress. I have finally found an internship site (YAY!) that does take away some of my present stress, so my only source now is my upcoming exams in April that will determine whether or not I pass the program. So a few hours of everyday, I'm studying or reading, making notecards, or taking a practice test to help me prepare for this. It's hard to believe I've come this far sometimes.

I know I don't update as often, but I will try earnestly to at least keep the major news up to date on here.

you can check out my 365 project here :)

I'm on my feet...

"I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go.
Now all I need is just to hear a song I know.
I wanna always feel like part of this was mine." - Jimmy Eat World

Oh life...

Life is wonderful at the moment. I'm at the beginning of enjoying a 5 week break from school and internship. I feel like I deserve it a little after working all my other holiday breaks away.

My 7th graduate semester is over... WOOT! That leaves only 1 more to go. It's hard to believe I have come this far sometimes. It's kinda crazy sometimes...

My internship at St John officially came to an end on Friday. I was definitely sad to go and leave the kids I had been working with since August. But, I believe that somehow I taught them something positive in their life that wasn't there before... and that one day, they will use it to better their life. My semester there has definitely been a learning experience. There were of course positive and negative things, but I look at it this way... I have discovered even more about what I am capable of and what I still need to learn and practice. I'm super excited about going there tomorrow night to see the kids in their Christmas production :)

Running is going well. Almost complete with week 8, which involved a 28 minute run. I didn't go today. Probably because it was like monsoon wind (and probably partially recovery from last nights fun adventures lol). But, I will get back out there tomorrow. I haven't come this far to quit now.

So for this 5 weeks off, I plan on enjoying every single minute of it, and I have so far... bring it on!

a giving of thanks

"Thanksgiving comes to us out of the prehistoric dimness, universal to all ages and all faiths.  At whatever straws we must grasp, there is always a time for gratitude and new beginnings." - J. Robert Moskin

so Thanksgiving is about over... so what did I give thanks for this year:

1. God - I am of course thankful to him for giving me the other things in my life to be thankful for. I do not pray as I often as I feel I need to sometimes, but I still feel the blessings he gives me in my life. I have kind of slacked off on this since I stopped adoration. I really want to back in touch with the part of me that I found doing that.

2. my family - This year has been a crazy year for us. My bro-in-law got deployed. My dad is working on the other side of the world. My nephew turned 2. I reconnected with a part of my family. My cousin's accident that profoundly affects us all, even now. I love my family, the members who are there for me and still claim me as blood. It is holidays like this that make me really love being with and appreciating them.

3. my friends - These people are awesome. I do not nearly give them the credit they deserve sometimes. I pray to be a better friend to them. Life may have had some changes in store for me this year, but mostly good. It has brought even more great people into this fold. Yes, some may have fallen from here, but I try not to despair. I love the ones I still have.

4. helping others/counseling - I feel this is my calling in life... what God calls me to do with the gifts he gave me. With graduation looming closer, I feel so excited (and yes anxious, but that is in the minority of feelings) to actually get to go out into the world and make a difference for a living. This field holds such a dynamic role not only for me, but for the clients and populations counselors serve. Here we have a chance to help others, to inspire them to make positive changes in their life... to show them that they are capable and strong and worthwhile. I am truly excited to be joining this field of professionals.

5. school/classmates - I really do enjoy what I am learning about. I have great professors; I attend a great program; I am surrounded by great classmates, friends, and future colleagues. It is through our classmates and professors that we really start to feel our worth and see the great family we are part of.

6. internship - Ahh, the first step of the real world. It is here we really get to have that wonderful taste of what it means to be a counselor. It has a different feeling from practicum because it is. This is real life. When you get combined with a great site and supervisor, your learning possibilities are endless.

7. running - I am thankful to even have the ability to run. I used to hate exercising, to get all sweaty... But now, I love it. It is such a release to feel the breeze brush past you as you are puffing away. So nice to feel the nice endorphins that your body releases from the exertion of your activity... to know, that you are can do it and are completely capable of it. Yes, it is rough and hard some days. But, we would get nowhere in life if we do not push ourselves to and past our limit to discover our potential :)

life trip...

"In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip." - Daniel L. Reardon

Life has definitely been a trip recently...

So, I am currently searching for a new internship for the spring. I have a few connections for possible sites I am working on, so I am waiting to see if they work out or not. I know it always does... I am just such a planner at heart though (call it a slight case of OCD lol).

But for my current internship site at the moment, we are staying pretty hopping. Our Rainbows group started this week, so I at least have a little something to do everyday... which I like (and I get to build up hours).

The school semester is finally winding down. I just finished my last assignment in my school counseling class, so the only thing I left to do is internship video #2 (which I am filming tomorrow). It feels nice to be wrapping it up. It cannot end fast enough...

Today I did my last academic advisement session... whoo hoo! I will be scheduling my last classes on Monday for my last semester :D I'm taking internship class and couples & martial counseling.

My Couch-to-5K running program is going well. I just started week 4... which has me running for 5 minutes on some parts. It was a little difficult, but I definitely felt proud of myself for actually getting through it and succeeding.

worry + work?

"You can't wring your hands and roll up your sleeves at the same time." - Pat Schroeder

I guess the reason I picked this quote is that it seems highly applicable at this moment. You can't do the work you need to do and worry at the same time. You need to do one or the other...

I definitely got some worry on my mind. There is a possibility that I may not be at my current internship site next semester. I really like this site. I feel like I have just gotten my groove here and gotten to know everyone. But thinking I may have to do that all over again at another site (for my last graduate semester), fills me with some anxiety.

I know when God closes a door, he opens another. I'm not usually one to disagree with the big guy when it comes to life opportunities, but is it really time for this door to be shut? And if so, where will that next one open? Trying to keep up that faith that God will lead me where I'm meant to be...

I'm trying to keep my eyes on the right now... because including this week, I have 5 weeks left until the end of this semester. There is still plenty of time to make a difference, an impact on this school, and I can't do it effectively if I'm worrying. So, I need to put on my big girl panties and keep on truckin'... at least for now.




on the other hand:
My character guidance week with the eighth graders ended beautifully. They learned the differences between a job and career, different post-high school options, and how their interests could flow into a job. They also got to use different internet resources to research the different career choices they were interested in.

includes: contractor, pilot, nurses, veterinarians, investigators, chef, military, orthopedic surgeon, physical therapist, teacher, child psychologist, judge, dentist, surgeon, undercover cop, farmer

manic-depressive? how bout manic-happy!

my guidance bonanza week was a success! I did a total of 13 guidance lessons last week, 12 character and 1 career (1 of my characters had to be rescheduled to yesterday) + the individuals I saw one-on-one...

It was really nice to find that I felt pretty comfortable being in front of all the different kids (grades ranged from 1st to 8th), and got them pretty involved in it. I think (or like to anyways lol) that most of them enjoyed it and got a little something out of it.

This week is a less manic, but still pretty busy. I like being busy up here and having something to do. I am still doing career stuff with my eight graders, doing a red ribbon class with each of the 7th grade classes (looking at the truth behind alcohol and tobacco advertisements), and feelings lesson with my kindergarten and pre-k classes (using pumpkin faces). The kindergarten class today LOVED it :). Also, I have a few individual students that I am working with one-on-one. Plus, our 'Rainbows' group will be starting up soon (it's a group for children who've experienced grief or loss), so that should help fill my time... and it's an issue I really to explore more with this population since many kids experience this either through separation/divorce, deployment, moving, and death of loved ones.

My running shoes are in, and I LOVE THEM :) no shin splints or leg pains! So I have really been trying to step up my motivation to get out there and get active.


Life is good. Internship is supremely satisfying. School is well, school.

I think it's plain to say...

I'm pretty excited about life :)

insomnia

"Insomnia is a gross feeder. It will nourish itself on any kind of thinking, including thinking about not thinking." - Clifton Fadiman

I have been having trouble sleeping the past few nights. Perhaps I am thinking too much... too much about getting school work done, doing well at my internship site, my father and his job overseas, life after graduate school, finding love, not living life enough...

lots of chaos and humdrum there, what to do?

guess I need to figure that out because I really like my sleep

life update

"I am only one, but I am one.  I cannot do everything, but I can do something.  And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do." - Edward Everett Hale

I realized I hadn't posted in a while, so I figured I'd come make a life update. Life consisting of family, friends, school, and internship... oh, my personal life too haha.

Family is good. Living at home has been a pretty positive experience so far. Really enjoy being around my family and having them there for moral support. My godson turned 2 last week :) He got to happily spend it with his Dad who was home for his Army R&R.

I haven't been spending as much time with friends as I find I usually do. I have been neglecting some friends, and have been trying to make it up since I have a bit more free time than I usually do. I have been sort of anti-social (or even slightly lazy) lately. I do really need to get out of the house more...

School is well... school. I am only taking one class with internship, so that is only 1 day of the week out of my life. I am really trying to motivate myself for this class, but I am finding a bit of difficulty in doing so at times. I'm claiming senioritis haha. But seriously, it is important class that I should be taking seriously.

I also am on my last week (of 6) of co-leading a group for the group processes class. It has been such a blessing and wonderful, enlightening experience leading some of my fellow classmates through this whole experience. I will be truly sad when we terminate this week because I believe we all (leaders and members) learned so much going through this.

I did get to go to the Louisiana Counseling Association (LCA) conference weekend before last. It was held in NOLA, and we did have quite a time. It was nice to connect on a deeper level with some of my classmates since sometimes we don't really get to since our school is such a commuter university. It was great to learn more about counseling topics, network with professionals (even got to meet the president of ACA!), and just generally have a great time with the people around me.

Internship is finally starting to pick up and get busy (which is a good thing). I like being busy when it comes to something I enjoy doing. I found out I love doing guidance lessons, especially with books. I am slowly working up the grades (did PreK and K so far), and it is definitely building my confidence as I go. Now to hopefully get our loss group started (and me trained for it so I can help) and build up a few individual students to start seeing. It was slow to start building up my hours, especially my direct ones which is far harder than indirect ones to get. I do have a small worry in the back of my head that I won't be able to get all my hours, but I am trying not to let my focus get to far ahead and have some faith that everything will work out how it's supposed to.
**FYI:
- Direct hours are face-to-face time doing individual or group counseling, guidance lessons, or consultations with faculty or parents. Indirect hours are when you do planning, get supervision (either in classroom or on-site), doing research, or professional development activities and the like.
- I am required by our accreditation body (CACREP) to get a total of 600 hours = 240 direct + 360 indirect over the course of 2 semesters (which comes out to about 120 direct/180 indirect a semester).

As far as my personal life, well this part should be relatively short lol. I'm just living life, albeit a little quietly. Just trying to get away from some of the hustle-and-bustle that can bring stress and drama into my life, I think. I am looking to start a running program, the Couch to 5-K program... not really to lose weight but to get more active and out of the house! I have much more free time since I'm not working at the office anymore, and I figure I should be doing something useful with it lol. Pray for motivation for me please!

that's about all for now, and I'll try to be more diligent about updating this :)

first step to a new journey

"The secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes." - Benjamin Disraeli

Well, tomorrow is my first day of internship!! So full of nervous excitement about finally making it to this point. I am hoping I do well at my school placement. I really like the counselor I get to work with. She really enjoys working with the kids. I am not working anymore, so it's nice to be able to devote my full time and energy into making this a most fruitful learning experience.


I want to take this opportunity by the horns and ride it for what it is worth. I do not know what to expect, only that each bend in the journey will bring me closer to what I really want to do with my life :) I believe I was made to do this... that God gave me the gifts to help those (especially children) who need help in their life. This journey will be a roller-coaster for sure... but so is life.


I know I can do it!! Think good thoughts for me :)




PS - hopefully I may most more background fill stories from my long absence later this week

procrastination

I really want to do a blog... maybe tomorrow

lol

gotta keep moving

well I'm all moved in at the parentals!

I do have to say that me and the parents do make a hardcore moving team lol... and so far, so good!

Just been really busy (and tired) with school. Getting kind of burnt out. I love my classes, but I'm ready to be DONE!! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I want to be there already...

I MAY have an internship school site ::does happy dance:: and at the school I was kind of eyeing. Just need to take care of a few things before I know for sure. So right now, I'm just hoping and praying for the best :)


Really excited for this weekend, cuz I'm going to Kentucky to visit my 2 favorite peoples :D


On a more negative note, work politics are starting to get to me and want to get the hell out of dodge. If SELU offers me enough loan money for the fall, I'm quitting my job. On the plus side of that, I'll have more time to devote to my internship. On the downer side, I'll have to watch my $$ (not that I haven't lived tight before :p).


guess time will tell

just a life update...

wow, it's been almost 2 weeks since my last update...

Life is still going strong, even when I do not think I have the strength to do it sometimes...

Summer school is back in full swing and thankfully only taking 2 classes (instead of 3 like last summer!). I am taking advanced techniques and intro to play therapy. Both are interesting classes, but got to keep on work for both or it is easy to fall behind. Ready for them to be over... and it'll be soon enough. Next week will be my halfway point! AHHHH

Still looking for a school to do an internship at, but decided to take fate in my hands a bit. A classmate gave me a great suggestion: to email local counselors myself. So I did... I emailed 11 local counselors! I have heard from 3 so far (2 are at the same school). I'm crossing my fingers on one of them, I really want it :)


I'm moving home this weekend. I'm actually pretty excited about it. Hope my parents feel the same way...

I went to the shooting range with my Daddy last week. I thoroughly enjoyed it, both the experience and spending time with him. I got to shoot a .25 Titan pistol and .22 Ruger target pistol... and I did pretty well considering this the first time I had shot a gun... ever (and plus my Dad was an awesome teacher). I can't wait to go back.







first target with the .22 Ruger @ 10ft







Super excited about my 4th of July trip up to Kentucky to see my sister and nephew... I so cannot wait! I get to go on a mini-vacay and even better is getting to spend time with them. Can't wait for next Thursday to get here :D

moving on up

"The only thing that stays the same is everything changes..." - Tracey Lawrence (Time Marches On)

so yeah, there are changes coming...

I'm moving home in a little less than 3 weeks to go live with my parents. After living on my own for 4 years, I'm going back. Plus side, it'll save me about $600/month (which is about 1/2 my monthly bills) and hang out with the family more. Other side, adapting to being under my parents' roof again. It won't be horrible, but it will be a big change for me (and them). I am thankful that I am still able to go back home if I needed. This way I can save more money (and hopefully take less loans out) this way.

It will definitely be a challenge. But we are all adults, so hopefully it will a good, positive thing :)

Summer school started today. I think classes will be pretty good. I'm taking advanced counseling techniques and intro to play therapy. My advanced techniques class only has 5 people (!) in it. The professor teaching is taking a slight pay-cut by teaching an under-capacity class (God bless him!). But I'm thinking it will actually be pretty fun since he is totally into getting our input to make the class as fulfilling and knowledgeable as possible (plus that he is a great teacher). Pretty excited about play therapy too. I love the teacher and totally excited about the subject matter. So I think that my seventh, but third to last (!) semester will be pretty darn fun!

Downer note: still waiting to hear more on internship sites for the fall after the rift between the school internship program and our program... God will work it out though I believe, just gotta wait and see :)

12.0/3.0 =

well, it equals 4.0 which is my GPA for the semester :) yep got A's in all 3 of my classes. I am proud to say that I definitely worked hard to earn those 3 little letters. So that means 6 semesters down, only 3 semesters (that's only 6 classes) to go!!! guess I should order my reward soon (see previous post)...


I went to work today and survived working a full day (8.3 hours to be exact). My pain medicine makes me a little sleepy, so it was a little hard to stay awake, but I did it. It was weird to not really talk all day (guess this means I talk too much!), but I survived.

I am feeling much better than I have been. I think this will be my last night at the parent's house sadly, but I am ready to get back to my own bed :)

well bout to get ready for bed since another full day tomorrow!

love and prayers to all :)

pain = no fun

so (knock on wood), I think I'm feeling more on the upside of my teeth surgery... I may actually go back to work tomorrow.

Last night was horrible. Migraine + post surgery pain and swelling = bad. I'm really thankful that my parents are taking such good care of me.

so now hopefully I can enjoy the following 3 weeks off of school till summer semester starts...

still waiting for all my final grades to be posted, and if they are what I think they are, I am totally treating myself to a new swimsuit!

totally can't wait to order it from ModCloth :)

finally got rid of them

so this morning I got my 4 impacted wisdom teeth out... this is the first time I have lost an original body part lol

Surgery went really well I am happy to report. This afternoon was when I was in the most pain, but I am really really good now. Mouth is still sore (duh!) and can't open very wide. My Dad brought me to my appointment and took such great care of me afterwards... he made me some homemade chicken noodle soup and some chocolate pudding and just checked on me regularly to make sure if I needed anything at all. I have been blessed with such an amazing Dad (thanks God!). When my Mom got home from work, she was great too (thanks for her too God!) making sure I was comfortable and everything. I definitely can't wait to figure what to get my Dad for Father's day now next month to give him an amazing day like we did Mom.

* post-surgery pic... my sister dubbed me Mummy-Tut lol













on a great positive note, I am officially done with my spring semester... 6 semesters down!! only 3 more to go!

I will be reporting more on that school meeting I was worried about so much yesterday after I talk with my professor hopefully soon.

worried worry

"Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere." - Glenn Turner

it is definitely giving me something to do right now... worrying about quite a few things right now

1.) getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow
- not really too worried about the procedure, but of course since they are cutting my teeth out I'm not too thrilled about it.


2.) meeting tomorrow at school concerning the internship program I'm supposed to be doing in the fall
- I'm worried about this because a) I can't go because of my oral surgery tomorrow and b) concerns possible change of plans for the future. The meeting was announced yesterday and involves not just the newbies who are starting the program (like me) but also the ones who will doing it for the 2nd and final semester of internship. This worries me... a lot.  My main concern is that because of possible budget cuts that the internship will not be paid anymore (it is now @ $10/hr, not much but hey better than no pay at all). I can't really work with internship, so I would be living off loans alone if this is the case. I would really prefer it not come to that. So I have to wait to hear what news is to be said until one of my classmates calls me tomorrow after it...

a-yi-yi-yi

a smile and a laugh

"Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing." - Mother Teresa

So my cousin was moved from ICU to a long term care facility till he can hopefully get moved to the neuro-rehab facility. He makes so many little steps every day. He still has a long way to go, but I know God will lead him out of the hospital one day after his recovery journey is over. But the nice thing about this place is the more open visiting hours (instead of 30min every 4hrs).

I went to visit after work with him and the family. I was so lucky to see the most amazing act... BJ smiled and laughed as his girlfriend and niece tickled his hand. It was such a truly blessed sight. My heart was filled with so much love and happiness. God is truly doing his will with BJ's recovery. I have complete faith that BJ will get to walk out of the hospital one day. I know it will be a long, arduous journey, but what a better companion to have than God by your side?



on another happy note... I finished my last paper (piece of work) for the spring semester, and all I have left is to attend class tomorrow night to get my 200pts (counts as my final)... then I'm done! well for 3 weeks anyways lol

so close

such a double-edged title...

This semester of school is so close to end, I can taste the sweetness on my tongue. Only 1 more paper to write up and an open-notes finals... officially done next Wednesday evening (since I have attend 1 last substance abuse class which counts as my 200pt final... no go = no 200 points :p). Which also happens to be the night before I get my wisdom teeth out... oh joy lol.


This also refers to my cousin, he is making slow baby steps in recovery. God is answering our prayers one at a time. He is brain is in such a deep fog... I pray to God several times a day for him to help my cousin to find his way through the fog. I know he can do it. Our family is praying that he gets accepted to a nice neuro-rehab center soon where he can better recover. If you read this, please pray for him.


much love and off to bed!

blessings

"I have seen, 

The healing hand of God, 

Reaching out and mending broken hearts.

Taste and see the fullness of His peace, 

And hold on to what's being held out.

The healing hand of God..." - Jeremy Camp: Healing Hand of God

God has been laying his healing hand on my cousin and answering our prayers for him in our family. He answers one little prayer at a time. First, he answered when he let him pull through and not die. Then, he answered by showing us that my cousin did not have as much brain damage as we thought. And now, he answers by letting him improve and recover a little bit each day. It makes me so happy and thankful to hear all these updates on him :)

I truly think that every thing happens for a reason and is all part of God's plan. He brought me back in touch with that part of my family (reference back to my post on forgiveness a few weeks ago). And I was able to help my other family members reconnect with them also. I was able to be there when my new cousin was born, and be there when this accident happened. Just make me go wow...


School is finally winding down! Only 2 papers, 1 project, and maybe 1 final left (should find out tomorrow in class)... woot!!!!