I really do hate migraines. They totally ruin a perfectly good God-given day :p
Adoration was wonderful last night... even when I was so tired I thought I was going to go to sleep praying in my seat. Church this afternoon was nice also, albeit I was still a little sleepy.
went to lunch (and dinner) at my parents' since my Dad was grilling... but of course a migraine totally ruined my appetite since they tend to make me nauseous. So I took a Maxalt and laid down for what ended up being a 2hr-ish nap. I didn't intend to stay so late over there, but my parents didn't mind. Then I woke up so I could come home and work on the 2 papers I have due this week.
but... I still have a tinge in my head so I think I'm just going to lay down. They totally screw up my plans... I know I will get my papers done before they are due, but I would have liked to some work done on them.
(night)
when God opens a door...
Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. ~Paul Boese
Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself. ~Harriet Nelson
today was such an eclectic day.
early morning was spent with friends, Pictionary, and taco dip...
After coming home from that fun night, I received an unexpected phone call from my cousin that I had not seen or really spoken to in almost 1 1/2 years... they gave me an visit invitation... and I took it. I didn't think twice about saying no to them... it just felt right. I felt that God opened a door... and I am not one to deny the chance to go through it. He will not let me go anywhere I cannot handle without him by my side. I did not go scared or angry... I went with the hope and longing to close a wound that had been open too long on my soul.
I have been praying on many things lately: school, family, my faith questions, and being a better person overall. Well forgiveness seems like it fall under both the better person overall and faith questions categories.
Forgiveness is a tricky creature. There is always the quote "forgive and forget." That's always easier said than done. While progressing through the counseling program, I try to deal with my own personal issues to better be able to deal with client's. I have family issues, primarily in my extended family. Those of you who know me, know this. There was a lot of negative emotions, miscommunication, and heartbreak in the air over much of this. I tried looking back on it with fresh eyes, trying to see what I hadn't seen before. I always wondered however, how I could forgive those that had caused me so much sorrow? I know God commands us to forgive, and I wanted to... but my heart and mind were at odds mostly on this contention. I am presently trying at this fact to forgive. I know I cannot change the past, and it really does no good to dwell on it (except really to see what you learned from it). In myself, I put forgiveness and love together; to forgive someone was to open myself back to love them again. I am learning that I do not have to do that. I can forgive them, but I do not necessarily have to love them again. The person most I have been struggling most with this (an aunt) may be my blood, but I do not have to claim them as family. I just need to forgive her wrongs towards me, move on, and break the anchor of negative feelings that hold us together so I can move forward.
To me family is not blood, but a bond that cannot be explained. It is not a person, but a feeling of love and compassion toward the other. Family is not just connected by the blood cells running through our veins, but the feelings in our heart and soul. And I know I can't change the ways others feel about one another, but I know I can change my feelings within myself by my choice and choice alone.
less than an hour to adoration... I missed my date with God last week... We have so much to talk about, especially after today. I'm really excited to sit down and pray and reflect on what God opened up to me recently :)
no making excuses now lol
well I guess I have no more excuses for not working on my papers more now lol... my Mac used to previously reside on the beanbag chair that I used to have in this spot in my room... now the Mac thinks it special or something because it gets to sit on a desk.
my Dad made this desk especially for me :) out of cypress (and love)!
the Charged Particle (aka my car, a Saturn Ion) now has new brakes and fresh oil (also thanks to my Dad)! glad she is all better. I'm very thankful that my car is working so well after all I put her through in the first few years I had her (we're going on year 6 now). she may not be the fanciest car on the block, but I sure hope she lasts me a good long while :)
well lemme work on my movie review paper for substance abuse a bit before bed... making progress one paper at a time... trying to keep my focus on this instead of some of the other things I have weighing on my mind. I really can't wait till adoration on Sat night/Sun morning to help me clear my head. I always find that having that one-on-one time with God to be one of the highlights of my week. I always feel more clear-headed and less stressed afterwards... I really need that right now...
"There is a way, there is a spark,
there is a hope that you can hold on to.
There is a lifeline come to the rescue,
just like a hand that's waiting for you.
And if you believe in this I promise that you won't be alone."
There is a way, the truth and the life, and the way..." - Newworldson
looking slightly better
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present. ~Babatunde Olatunji
today turned out much better than I thought it would... and in pretty good mood despite other things...
made homemade pulled pork for dinner (yum!), gonna try and finish my AA paper, and then 'Criminal Minds' and 'In Plain Sight'...
then off to camp at my parents' house so my Dad can look at my car... my brakes decided to make fun grinding noises on the way home from work today while sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic on I-12... guess I can't really complain though... it's the 1st time they have given me problems and she already has 100,000+ miles on her...
peace be with you...
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." - John 14:27 NIV
I certainly pray for peace of mind this morning...
another procrastination method
so yeah, I'm procrastinating on my papers, again... I think I'm thinking too much on the future and what is coming up... but here is what I have left as far as school work this semester (which ends May 13th)
counseling children:
- 2 more journals (1 paragraph each)
- activity project + 5-6pg paper on population of choice
- final
cross-cultural counseling:
- movie project* + 4-6pg paper on reflection of cultural issues presented
- 3-5pg walk a mile interview paper*
- final
substance abuse:
- 3-5pg movie paper*
- 3-5pg AA paper*
- addiction counselor interview paper
- final (3-5pg paper on topic of choice)
WWHHEEWW!!
*due next week :p
counseling children:
- 2 more journals (1 paragraph each)
- activity project + 5-6pg paper on population of choice
- final
cross-cultural counseling:
- movie project* + 4-6pg paper on reflection of cultural issues presented
- 3-5pg walk a mile interview paper*
- final
substance abuse:
- 3-5pg movie paper*
- 3-5pg AA paper*
- addiction counselor interview paper
- final (3-5pg paper on topic of choice)
WWHHEEWW!!
*due next week :p
it costs how much?!
went to see my oral surgeon for a consultation this afternoon because my dentist told me I needed to get all four of them removed pretty soon...
doctor seems nice, office staff too...
but it's going to cost me around $2100 with my health insurance dental discount... I guess it could be worse at $2700 which was the cost before the discount... but the office staff was really nice about working with me so I can pay it. they're letting me split into 4 payments instead of 2 ($530 is better than $1060), so I'm not as much out of pocket. that much money to remove 4 little teeth...
I dream of the day when I have a real person adult job with real health and dental benefits (and paid leave)... one day ::sigh::
but I trust in God to take care of things... they work out, they just always do :)
doctor seems nice, office staff too...
but it's going to cost me around $2100 with my health insurance dental discount... I guess it could be worse at $2700 which was the cost before the discount... but the office staff was really nice about working with me so I can pay it. they're letting me split into 4 payments instead of 2 ($530 is better than $1060), so I'm not as much out of pocket. that much money to remove 4 little teeth...
I dream of the day when I have a real person adult job with real health and dental benefits (and paid leave)... one day ::sigh::
but I trust in God to take care of things... they work out, they just always do :)
Catholicism
found these two article on NPR the past few weeks...two different views on Catholic faith and identity
On Good Friday, Here's Why I Remain Catholic - by ELIZABETH SCALIA
There is a reason I came back to the Catholic church earlier last year, and it wasn't for the Communion wine. I grew up Catholic. I was baptized and confirmed in this faith. But it wasn't until college that I really decided that I didn't know if it was me. I went through a deistic phase... an agonistic phase... it never seemed like it fit with my soul though. But I came back, and my heart and soul knew they were home again with God. Faith is never simply understood. It is personal journey each person has to make. I still am not at terms with some of the Catholic doctrine and goings-on (i.e. contraceptives, evolution, abuse scandal, etc.). I struggle with my faith everyday, but I challenge myself to keep learning and expanding what it means to believe in God and the Catholic church.
The author sums it up best here:
I want my church to shine. But I understand that everything, from our institutions to our innermost beings, are seen through a glass, darkly. Arms outstretched, listening for the Word, and its echoing liturgy, I make my way forward, in bright hope.
Leaving The Church But Not The Identity - by JULIANNA BAGGOTT
I like this article because I can definitely identify with it. Faith can and will be a struggle. My Catholic identity has been and always be a part of me (even subconsciously). I know I don't have perfect faith in the institution of the church, which so recently is plagued by sin and human fallibility. So I try to put my faith in the highest place, in God, trusting that he will show me what it means to keep faith in his church.
Said best here:
What does it mean to be Catholic and not a Catholic? I feel adrift, homeless.
On Good Friday, Here's Why I Remain Catholic - by ELIZABETH SCALIA
There is a reason I came back to the Catholic church earlier last year, and it wasn't for the Communion wine. I grew up Catholic. I was baptized and confirmed in this faith. But it wasn't until college that I really decided that I didn't know if it was me. I went through a deistic phase... an agonistic phase... it never seemed like it fit with my soul though. But I came back, and my heart and soul knew they were home again with God. Faith is never simply understood. It is personal journey each person has to make. I still am not at terms with some of the Catholic doctrine and goings-on (i.e. contraceptives, evolution, abuse scandal, etc.). I struggle with my faith everyday, but I challenge myself to keep learning and expanding what it means to believe in God and the Catholic church.
The author sums it up best here:
I want my church to shine. But I understand that everything, from our institutions to our innermost beings, are seen through a glass, darkly. Arms outstretched, listening for the Word, and its echoing liturgy, I make my way forward, in bright hope.
Leaving The Church But Not The Identity - by JULIANNA BAGGOTT
I like this article because I can definitely identify with it. Faith can and will be a struggle. My Catholic identity has been and always be a part of me (even subconsciously). I know I don't have perfect faith in the institution of the church, which so recently is plagued by sin and human fallibility. So I try to put my faith in the highest place, in God, trusting that he will show me what it means to keep faith in his church.
Said best here:
What does it mean to be Catholic and not a Catholic? I feel adrift, homeless.
new beginnings
well hello shiny new blog :)
I decided to start a new one because I realize how much I miss having a place to share my ramblings, reflections, thoughts, and opinions on well... everything!
the start of Lent marked a new period of introspection into my life, and even though Lent is over I still wanted to record what's going on in my brain...
ps - instead of working on my AA paper for substance abuse, I created this lol :)
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