a giving of thanks

"Thanksgiving comes to us out of the prehistoric dimness, universal to all ages and all faiths.  At whatever straws we must grasp, there is always a time for gratitude and new beginnings." - J. Robert Moskin

so Thanksgiving is about over... so what did I give thanks for this year:

1. God - I am of course thankful to him for giving me the other things in my life to be thankful for. I do not pray as I often as I feel I need to sometimes, but I still feel the blessings he gives me in my life. I have kind of slacked off on this since I stopped adoration. I really want to back in touch with the part of me that I found doing that.

2. my family - This year has been a crazy year for us. My bro-in-law got deployed. My dad is working on the other side of the world. My nephew turned 2. I reconnected with a part of my family. My cousin's accident that profoundly affects us all, even now. I love my family, the members who are there for me and still claim me as blood. It is holidays like this that make me really love being with and appreciating them.

3. my friends - These people are awesome. I do not nearly give them the credit they deserve sometimes. I pray to be a better friend to them. Life may have had some changes in store for me this year, but mostly good. It has brought even more great people into this fold. Yes, some may have fallen from here, but I try not to despair. I love the ones I still have.

4. helping others/counseling - I feel this is my calling in life... what God calls me to do with the gifts he gave me. With graduation looming closer, I feel so excited (and yes anxious, but that is in the minority of feelings) to actually get to go out into the world and make a difference for a living. This field holds such a dynamic role not only for me, but for the clients and populations counselors serve. Here we have a chance to help others, to inspire them to make positive changes in their life... to show them that they are capable and strong and worthwhile. I am truly excited to be joining this field of professionals.

5. school/classmates - I really do enjoy what I am learning about. I have great professors; I attend a great program; I am surrounded by great classmates, friends, and future colleagues. It is through our classmates and professors that we really start to feel our worth and see the great family we are part of.

6. internship - Ahh, the first step of the real world. It is here we really get to have that wonderful taste of what it means to be a counselor. It has a different feeling from practicum because it is. This is real life. When you get combined with a great site and supervisor, your learning possibilities are endless.

7. running - I am thankful to even have the ability to run. I used to hate exercising, to get all sweaty... But now, I love it. It is such a release to feel the breeze brush past you as you are puffing away. So nice to feel the nice endorphins that your body releases from the exertion of your activity... to know, that you are can do it and are completely capable of it. Yes, it is rough and hard some days. But, we would get nowhere in life if we do not push ourselves to and past our limit to discover our potential :)

self-doubt and termination

So today, I had to prepare for termination with one of my regular kids, a 5th grader, I see (we only have 2 sessions left after Thanksgiving break). I want to say it was one of my first real terminations since I really never got to do any 'proper' ones in practicum (my clients' attendance got kind of flaky and then the semester ended).

I guess I'm taking it rough. He stated he was sad he wouldn't be able to come see me anymore. I feel likewise, especially because he really has made some progress since we began a couple months ago. We talked about it for a little bit, then played our usual game of checkers (this has been one of my more popular therapeutic items). His behavior during the game was different that his usual (like not really jumping my pieces and making me jump his) and much quieter. When we finished it was time for him to go back to class. To me, it seemed like he couldn't wait to get out of there. He gave me high scores on his session rating scale though (available here) [that rates my listening, what we talked about, our activities, and overall]. I also encouraged him to ask me any questions he may have, if not then, but later at our next session.

I guess I just feel kind of guilty that I made him feel bad. I also doubt myself because I don't think I handled it well (because I feel guilty that I made him feel sad). Do most clients feel sad about termination? Do most counselors feel sad about terminating. Some of my other regulars are sad that I'm leaving, but I did not feel nearly as guilty about letting them know of my departure. This can be really confusing not only for the therapist but the client as well.

I hope my doubt is off, and I handled it okay (not bad but not amazing). I still feel kind of anxious about it. I will talk to my supervisor in the morning about it. Hopefully when I see him for our 2nd-to-last session after the break, perhaps the him and I can go into it a bit more and come to a peaceful stopping point.

::sigh::

life trip...

"In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip." - Daniel L. Reardon

Life has definitely been a trip recently...

So, I am currently searching for a new internship for the spring. I have a few connections for possible sites I am working on, so I am waiting to see if they work out or not. I know it always does... I am just such a planner at heart though (call it a slight case of OCD lol).

But for my current internship site at the moment, we are staying pretty hopping. Our Rainbows group started this week, so I at least have a little something to do everyday... which I like (and I get to build up hours).

The school semester is finally winding down. I just finished my last assignment in my school counseling class, so the only thing I left to do is internship video #2 (which I am filming tomorrow). It feels nice to be wrapping it up. It cannot end fast enough...

Today I did my last academic advisement session... whoo hoo! I will be scheduling my last classes on Monday for my last semester :D I'm taking internship class and couples & martial counseling.

My Couch-to-5K running program is going well. I just started week 4... which has me running for 5 minutes on some parts. It was a little difficult, but I definitely felt proud of myself for actually getting through it and succeeding.

worry + work?

"You can't wring your hands and roll up your sleeves at the same time." - Pat Schroeder

I guess the reason I picked this quote is that it seems highly applicable at this moment. You can't do the work you need to do and worry at the same time. You need to do one or the other...

I definitely got some worry on my mind. There is a possibility that I may not be at my current internship site next semester. I really like this site. I feel like I have just gotten my groove here and gotten to know everyone. But thinking I may have to do that all over again at another site (for my last graduate semester), fills me with some anxiety.

I know when God closes a door, he opens another. I'm not usually one to disagree with the big guy when it comes to life opportunities, but is it really time for this door to be shut? And if so, where will that next one open? Trying to keep up that faith that God will lead me where I'm meant to be...

I'm trying to keep my eyes on the right now... because including this week, I have 5 weeks left until the end of this semester. There is still plenty of time to make a difference, an impact on this school, and I can't do it effectively if I'm worrying. So, I need to put on my big girl panties and keep on truckin'... at least for now.




on the other hand:
My character guidance week with the eighth graders ended beautifully. They learned the differences between a job and career, different post-high school options, and how their interests could flow into a job. They also got to use different internet resources to research the different career choices they were interested in.

includes: contractor, pilot, nurses, veterinarians, investigators, chef, military, orthopedic surgeon, physical therapist, teacher, child psychologist, judge, dentist, surgeon, undercover cop, farmer