Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. ~Paul Boese
Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself. ~Harriet Nelson
today was such an eclectic day.
early morning was spent with friends, Pictionary, and taco dip...
After coming home from that fun night, I received an unexpected phone call from my cousin that I had not seen or really spoken to in almost 1 1/2 years... they gave me an visit invitation... and I took it. I didn't think twice about saying no to them... it just felt right. I felt that God opened a door... and I am not one to deny the chance to go through it. He will not let me go anywhere I cannot handle without him by my side. I did not go scared or angry... I went with the hope and longing to close a wound that had been open too long on my soul.
I have been praying on many things lately: school, family, my faith questions, and being a better person overall. Well forgiveness seems like it fall under both the better person overall and faith questions categories.
Forgiveness is a tricky creature. There is always the quote
"forgive and forget." That's always easier said than done. While progressing through the counseling program, I try to deal with my own personal issues to better be able to deal with client's. I have family issues, primarily in my extended family. Those of you who know me, know this. There was a lot of negative emotions, miscommunication, and heartbreak in the air over much of this. I tried looking back on it with fresh eyes, trying to see what I hadn't seen before. I always wondered however, how I could forgive those that had caused me so much sorrow? I know God commands us to forgive, and I wanted to... but my heart and mind were at odds mostly on this contention. I am presently trying at this fact to forgive. I know I cannot change the past, and it really does no good to dwell on it (except really to see what you learned from it). In myself, I put forgiveness and love together; to forgive someone was to open myself back to love them again. I am learning that I do not have to do that. I can forgive them, but I do not necessarily have to love them again. The person most I have been struggling most with this (an aunt) may be my blood, but I do not have to claim them as family. I just need to forgive her wrongs towards me, move on, and break the anchor of negative feelings that hold us together so I can move forward.
To me family is not blood, but a bond that cannot be explained. It is not a person, but a feeling of love and compassion toward the other. Family is not just connected by the blood cells running through our veins, but the feelings in our heart and soul. And I know I can't change the ways others feel about one another, but I know I can change my feelings within myself by my choice and choice alone.
less than an hour to adoration... I missed my date with God last week... We have so much to talk about, especially after today. I'm really excited to sit down and pray and reflect on what God opened up to me recently :)
