a giving of thanks

"Thanksgiving comes to us out of the prehistoric dimness, universal to all ages and all faiths.  At whatever straws we must grasp, there is always a time for gratitude and new beginnings." - J. Robert Moskin

so Thanksgiving is about over... so what did I give thanks for this year:

1. God - I am of course thankful to him for giving me the other things in my life to be thankful for. I do not pray as I often as I feel I need to sometimes, but I still feel the blessings he gives me in my life. I have kind of slacked off on this since I stopped adoration. I really want to back in touch with the part of me that I found doing that.

2. my family - This year has been a crazy year for us. My bro-in-law got deployed. My dad is working on the other side of the world. My nephew turned 2. I reconnected with a part of my family. My cousin's accident that profoundly affects us all, even now. I love my family, the members who are there for me and still claim me as blood. It is holidays like this that make me really love being with and appreciating them.

3. my friends - These people are awesome. I do not nearly give them the credit they deserve sometimes. I pray to be a better friend to them. Life may have had some changes in store for me this year, but mostly good. It has brought even more great people into this fold. Yes, some may have fallen from here, but I try not to despair. I love the ones I still have.

4. helping others/counseling - I feel this is my calling in life... what God calls me to do with the gifts he gave me. With graduation looming closer, I feel so excited (and yes anxious, but that is in the minority of feelings) to actually get to go out into the world and make a difference for a living. This field holds such a dynamic role not only for me, but for the clients and populations counselors serve. Here we have a chance to help others, to inspire them to make positive changes in their life... to show them that they are capable and strong and worthwhile. I am truly excited to be joining this field of professionals.

5. school/classmates - I really do enjoy what I am learning about. I have great professors; I attend a great program; I am surrounded by great classmates, friends, and future colleagues. It is through our classmates and professors that we really start to feel our worth and see the great family we are part of.

6. internship - Ahh, the first step of the real world. It is here we really get to have that wonderful taste of what it means to be a counselor. It has a different feeling from practicum because it is. This is real life. When you get combined with a great site and supervisor, your learning possibilities are endless.

7. running - I am thankful to even have the ability to run. I used to hate exercising, to get all sweaty... But now, I love it. It is such a release to feel the breeze brush past you as you are puffing away. So nice to feel the nice endorphins that your body releases from the exertion of your activity... to know, that you are can do it and are completely capable of it. Yes, it is rough and hard some days. But, we would get nowhere in life if we do not push ourselves to and past our limit to discover our potential :)

self-doubt and termination

So today, I had to prepare for termination with one of my regular kids, a 5th grader, I see (we only have 2 sessions left after Thanksgiving break). I want to say it was one of my first real terminations since I really never got to do any 'proper' ones in practicum (my clients' attendance got kind of flaky and then the semester ended).

I guess I'm taking it rough. He stated he was sad he wouldn't be able to come see me anymore. I feel likewise, especially because he really has made some progress since we began a couple months ago. We talked about it for a little bit, then played our usual game of checkers (this has been one of my more popular therapeutic items). His behavior during the game was different that his usual (like not really jumping my pieces and making me jump his) and much quieter. When we finished it was time for him to go back to class. To me, it seemed like he couldn't wait to get out of there. He gave me high scores on his session rating scale though (available here) [that rates my listening, what we talked about, our activities, and overall]. I also encouraged him to ask me any questions he may have, if not then, but later at our next session.

I guess I just feel kind of guilty that I made him feel bad. I also doubt myself because I don't think I handled it well (because I feel guilty that I made him feel sad). Do most clients feel sad about termination? Do most counselors feel sad about terminating. Some of my other regulars are sad that I'm leaving, but I did not feel nearly as guilty about letting them know of my departure. This can be really confusing not only for the therapist but the client as well.

I hope my doubt is off, and I handled it okay (not bad but not amazing). I still feel kind of anxious about it. I will talk to my supervisor in the morning about it. Hopefully when I see him for our 2nd-to-last session after the break, perhaps the him and I can go into it a bit more and come to a peaceful stopping point.

::sigh::

life trip...

"In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip." - Daniel L. Reardon

Life has definitely been a trip recently...

So, I am currently searching for a new internship for the spring. I have a few connections for possible sites I am working on, so I am waiting to see if they work out or not. I know it always does... I am just such a planner at heart though (call it a slight case of OCD lol).

But for my current internship site at the moment, we are staying pretty hopping. Our Rainbows group started this week, so I at least have a little something to do everyday... which I like (and I get to build up hours).

The school semester is finally winding down. I just finished my last assignment in my school counseling class, so the only thing I left to do is internship video #2 (which I am filming tomorrow). It feels nice to be wrapping it up. It cannot end fast enough...

Today I did my last academic advisement session... whoo hoo! I will be scheduling my last classes on Monday for my last semester :D I'm taking internship class and couples & martial counseling.

My Couch-to-5K running program is going well. I just started week 4... which has me running for 5 minutes on some parts. It was a little difficult, but I definitely felt proud of myself for actually getting through it and succeeding.

worry + work?

"You can't wring your hands and roll up your sleeves at the same time." - Pat Schroeder

I guess the reason I picked this quote is that it seems highly applicable at this moment. You can't do the work you need to do and worry at the same time. You need to do one or the other...

I definitely got some worry on my mind. There is a possibility that I may not be at my current internship site next semester. I really like this site. I feel like I have just gotten my groove here and gotten to know everyone. But thinking I may have to do that all over again at another site (for my last graduate semester), fills me with some anxiety.

I know when God closes a door, he opens another. I'm not usually one to disagree with the big guy when it comes to life opportunities, but is it really time for this door to be shut? And if so, where will that next one open? Trying to keep up that faith that God will lead me where I'm meant to be...

I'm trying to keep my eyes on the right now... because including this week, I have 5 weeks left until the end of this semester. There is still plenty of time to make a difference, an impact on this school, and I can't do it effectively if I'm worrying. So, I need to put on my big girl panties and keep on truckin'... at least for now.




on the other hand:
My character guidance week with the eighth graders ended beautifully. They learned the differences between a job and career, different post-high school options, and how their interests could flow into a job. They also got to use different internet resources to research the different career choices they were interested in.

includes: contractor, pilot, nurses, veterinarians, investigators, chef, military, orthopedic surgeon, physical therapist, teacher, child psychologist, judge, dentist, surgeon, undercover cop, farmer

manic-depressive? how bout manic-happy!

my guidance bonanza week was a success! I did a total of 13 guidance lessons last week, 12 character and 1 career (1 of my characters had to be rescheduled to yesterday) + the individuals I saw one-on-one...

It was really nice to find that I felt pretty comfortable being in front of all the different kids (grades ranged from 1st to 8th), and got them pretty involved in it. I think (or like to anyways lol) that most of them enjoyed it and got a little something out of it.

This week is a less manic, but still pretty busy. I like being busy up here and having something to do. I am still doing career stuff with my eight graders, doing a red ribbon class with each of the 7th grade classes (looking at the truth behind alcohol and tobacco advertisements), and feelings lesson with my kindergarten and pre-k classes (using pumpkin faces). The kindergarten class today LOVED it :). Also, I have a few individual students that I am working with one-on-one. Plus, our 'Rainbows' group will be starting up soon (it's a group for children who've experienced grief or loss), so that should help fill my time... and it's an issue I really to explore more with this population since many kids experience this either through separation/divorce, deployment, moving, and death of loved ones.

My running shoes are in, and I LOVE THEM :) no shin splints or leg pains! So I have really been trying to step up my motivation to get out there and get active.


Life is good. Internship is supremely satisfying. School is well, school.

I think it's plain to say...

I'm pretty excited about life :)

guidance lesson bonanza!

yes, a bonanza it will be this week!

I have 14 guidance lessons planned for this week for my students...
*13 of these lessons will be on character values for grades 1st - 8th.
- Well this week is National Character Counts Week (at least according to my School Counselor magazine), and my supervisor (and the very appreciative faculty) are letting me do my very own lesson that I came up with. I call it the "Character Cup" :) It is filled with popsicle sticks with different important character values written on each one (like cooperation, acceptance, and respect)

• Introduce the topic to the students (ex. what is character?) and the importance of good character values (i.e. better friendships, better person, helps others, leader/role model to other classmates, the right thing to do, etc.)
• Either the counselor or a chosen student volunteer gets to pick a popsicle stick out of the character cup
• What does this stick say?  Who know what it is?  What are some different ways/examples we can show this character value?  What makes this a great character value to have?
• **For older kids, try to get more explanation and meaning from the answers they may provide since they have better-developed vocabularies and communication skills.  They could also be asked to act out a short role play/skit. Anther idea includes identifying people (real or fictional) who demonstrated a said value.
• Repeat until all sticks are pulled

*(the remaining) 1 is the beginning of my career guidance lesson for my 8th graders.
- I am doing a week long lesson (Friday - Thursday) on careers. I am looking to introduce them to different terms and ideas (ex. What is a job? What is a career?) to get them started on thinking on what they are possibly interested in doing when they get older. Still getting my schedule and agenda together with Kellie, but I am pretty excited about getting to lead it!

So this week and next week, I expect to be pretty busy but not that I mind! I still have way more guidance lessons planned since getting really any steady one-on-one hours is kind of a challenge. I'm looking to do a tattling book lesson with the new book I ordered (Don't Squeal Unless It's a Big Deal) and a feelings guidance lesson using pumpkin faces. So I foresee some busy weeks ahead :)


I had also started the Couch to 5-K as I had mentioned in my previous post. It is being somewhat delayed as I wait for my new running shoes to be in. My previous 'running' shoes were giving me no stability and shin splints :p So once they come in (I estimate in a week or two), I will start again. Until then, I will be walking, jump roping, or using my pilates ball to get my groove on :)

insomnia

"Insomnia is a gross feeder. It will nourish itself on any kind of thinking, including thinking about not thinking." - Clifton Fadiman

I have been having trouble sleeping the past few nights. Perhaps I am thinking too much... too much about getting school work done, doing well at my internship site, my father and his job overseas, life after graduate school, finding love, not living life enough...

lots of chaos and humdrum there, what to do?

guess I need to figure that out because I really like my sleep

life update

"I am only one, but I am one.  I cannot do everything, but I can do something.  And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do." - Edward Everett Hale

I realized I hadn't posted in a while, so I figured I'd come make a life update. Life consisting of family, friends, school, and internship... oh, my personal life too haha.

Family is good. Living at home has been a pretty positive experience so far. Really enjoy being around my family and having them there for moral support. My godson turned 2 last week :) He got to happily spend it with his Dad who was home for his Army R&R.

I haven't been spending as much time with friends as I find I usually do. I have been neglecting some friends, and have been trying to make it up since I have a bit more free time than I usually do. I have been sort of anti-social (or even slightly lazy) lately. I do really need to get out of the house more...

School is well... school. I am only taking one class with internship, so that is only 1 day of the week out of my life. I am really trying to motivate myself for this class, but I am finding a bit of difficulty in doing so at times. I'm claiming senioritis haha. But seriously, it is important class that I should be taking seriously.

I also am on my last week (of 6) of co-leading a group for the group processes class. It has been such a blessing and wonderful, enlightening experience leading some of my fellow classmates through this whole experience. I will be truly sad when we terminate this week because I believe we all (leaders and members) learned so much going through this.

I did get to go to the Louisiana Counseling Association (LCA) conference weekend before last. It was held in NOLA, and we did have quite a time. It was nice to connect on a deeper level with some of my classmates since sometimes we don't really get to since our school is such a commuter university. It was great to learn more about counseling topics, network with professionals (even got to meet the president of ACA!), and just generally have a great time with the people around me.

Internship is finally starting to pick up and get busy (which is a good thing). I like being busy when it comes to something I enjoy doing. I found out I love doing guidance lessons, especially with books. I am slowly working up the grades (did PreK and K so far), and it is definitely building my confidence as I go. Now to hopefully get our loss group started (and me trained for it so I can help) and build up a few individual students to start seeing. It was slow to start building up my hours, especially my direct ones which is far harder than indirect ones to get. I do have a small worry in the back of my head that I won't be able to get all my hours, but I am trying not to let my focus get to far ahead and have some faith that everything will work out how it's supposed to.
**FYI:
- Direct hours are face-to-face time doing individual or group counseling, guidance lessons, or consultations with faculty or parents. Indirect hours are when you do planning, get supervision (either in classroom or on-site), doing research, or professional development activities and the like.
- I am required by our accreditation body (CACREP) to get a total of 600 hours = 240 direct + 360 indirect over the course of 2 semesters (which comes out to about 120 direct/180 indirect a semester).

As far as my personal life, well this part should be relatively short lol. I'm just living life, albeit a little quietly. Just trying to get away from some of the hustle-and-bustle that can bring stress and drama into my life, I think. I am looking to start a running program, the Couch to 5-K program... not really to lose weight but to get more active and out of the house! I have much more free time since I'm not working at the office anymore, and I figure I should be doing something useful with it lol. Pray for motivation for me please!

that's about all for now, and I'll try to be more diligent about updating this :)

it's like I'm a grown-up!

Wow, this week has been a whirlwind!

I have almost made it through my whole first week as a school counseling intern. I can truly say "I HEART THIS". The administrators are super nice, the teachers are caring, the students are nice, and my supervisor (the regular counselor) is super awesome :) This place was a blessing to be at (thanks God!), and it totally fits me. I even got my own (class)room to work out of... that is completely mine!

link to the video I made of the classroom :)
[put window to about 1/4 screen for best viewing!]

And plus, I like the dress code lol. I can wear some cute cropped pants with just a cute cotton shirt with some cute clogs and totally fit in :)


Also got to lead (actually co-lead) a group tonight for the group class... very interesting experience to say the least lol.

first step to a new journey

"The secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes." - Benjamin Disraeli

Well, tomorrow is my first day of internship!! So full of nervous excitement about finally making it to this point. I am hoping I do well at my school placement. I really like the counselor I get to work with. She really enjoys working with the kids. I am not working anymore, so it's nice to be able to devote my full time and energy into making this a most fruitful learning experience.


I want to take this opportunity by the horns and ride it for what it is worth. I do not know what to expect, only that each bend in the journey will bring me closer to what I really want to do with my life :) I believe I was made to do this... that God gave me the gifts to help those (especially children) who need help in their life. This journey will be a roller-coaster for sure... but so is life.


I know I can do it!! Think good thoughts for me :)




PS - hopefully I may most more background fill stories from my long absence later this week

procrastination

I really want to do a blog... maybe tomorrow

lol

gotta keep moving

well I'm all moved in at the parentals!

I do have to say that me and the parents do make a hardcore moving team lol... and so far, so good!

Just been really busy (and tired) with school. Getting kind of burnt out. I love my classes, but I'm ready to be DONE!! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I want to be there already...

I MAY have an internship school site ::does happy dance:: and at the school I was kind of eyeing. Just need to take care of a few things before I know for sure. So right now, I'm just hoping and praying for the best :)


Really excited for this weekend, cuz I'm going to Kentucky to visit my 2 favorite peoples :D


On a more negative note, work politics are starting to get to me and want to get the hell out of dodge. If SELU offers me enough loan money for the fall, I'm quitting my job. On the plus side of that, I'll have more time to devote to my internship. On the downer side, I'll have to watch my $$ (not that I haven't lived tight before :p).


guess time will tell

just a life update...

wow, it's been almost 2 weeks since my last update...

Life is still going strong, even when I do not think I have the strength to do it sometimes...

Summer school is back in full swing and thankfully only taking 2 classes (instead of 3 like last summer!). I am taking advanced techniques and intro to play therapy. Both are interesting classes, but got to keep on work for both or it is easy to fall behind. Ready for them to be over... and it'll be soon enough. Next week will be my halfway point! AHHHH

Still looking for a school to do an internship at, but decided to take fate in my hands a bit. A classmate gave me a great suggestion: to email local counselors myself. So I did... I emailed 11 local counselors! I have heard from 3 so far (2 are at the same school). I'm crossing my fingers on one of them, I really want it :)


I'm moving home this weekend. I'm actually pretty excited about it. Hope my parents feel the same way...

I went to the shooting range with my Daddy last week. I thoroughly enjoyed it, both the experience and spending time with him. I got to shoot a .25 Titan pistol and .22 Ruger target pistol... and I did pretty well considering this the first time I had shot a gun... ever (and plus my Dad was an awesome teacher). I can't wait to go back.







first target with the .22 Ruger @ 10ft







Super excited about my 4th of July trip up to Kentucky to see my sister and nephew... I so cannot wait! I get to go on a mini-vacay and even better is getting to spend time with them. Can't wait for next Thursday to get here :D

how much faith??

“He who has faith has... an inward reservoir of courage, hope, confidence, calmness, and assuring trust that all will come out well - even though to the world it may appear to come out most badly.” - B.C. Forbes

I try hard to cling to this faith. Recent events had disturbed some of my inner faith holdings… one of my coworker’s grandsons was murdered by another child. You really sit and think about life and the world when you hear that an 8 year-old was killed by a 16 year-old. It shakes you to the core of your very being, and just makes your heart ache. How can a world be so cruel?

I was thinking yesterday about my decision to go into mental health counseling, especially my decision to work with other children. I questioned how much I really wanted to go into this field, and whether or not I could do it after hearing about this. After much and still continuous reflection, I had come to a decision regarding my future. I am going to keep the path I am on. I will have the training and chance to help others, and if I can even only help one person with their pain or suffering… it will be worth it. As a counselor, we have to work not to take our work home with us. We try our hardest to help our clients, but ultimately it is up to our clients to take that initiative to change… not us. Perhaps maybe the hardest thing to realize is that we cannot help everyone and not everyone wants our help. Ultimately, some things are beyond our control as counselors… and people. It’s one of the many ambiguities you have to face as a counselor.

I look back on the quote on the quote at the beginning of this entry, and I hope and pray I can remember it when the bad, ugly side of the world rears its head like this. I pray not only for the victim’s (my coworker’s)  family, but also for the suspect’s family as well. May they both take comfort in God’s love as they deal with their grief, loss, and pain. Two families are torn apart by this senseless tragedy. We will probably never understand the “what’s” and “why’s” of this situation… and perhaps, that is what hurts the most…

I just continue to pray for the soul of young boy and for those suffering with his sudden loss that they may eventually find peace.

moving on up

"The only thing that stays the same is everything changes..." - Tracey Lawrence (Time Marches On)

so yeah, there are changes coming...

I'm moving home in a little less than 3 weeks to go live with my parents. After living on my own for 4 years, I'm going back. Plus side, it'll save me about $600/month (which is about 1/2 my monthly bills) and hang out with the family more. Other side, adapting to being under my parents' roof again. It won't be horrible, but it will be a big change for me (and them). I am thankful that I am still able to go back home if I needed. This way I can save more money (and hopefully take less loans out) this way.

It will definitely be a challenge. But we are all adults, so hopefully it will a good, positive thing :)

Summer school started today. I think classes will be pretty good. I'm taking advanced counseling techniques and intro to play therapy. My advanced techniques class only has 5 people (!) in it. The professor teaching is taking a slight pay-cut by teaching an under-capacity class (God bless him!). But I'm thinking it will actually be pretty fun since he is totally into getting our input to make the class as fulfilling and knowledgeable as possible (plus that he is a great teacher). Pretty excited about play therapy too. I love the teacher and totally excited about the subject matter. So I think that my seventh, but third to last (!) semester will be pretty darn fun!

Downer note: still waiting to hear more on internship sites for the fall after the rift between the school internship program and our program... God will work it out though I believe, just gotta wait and see :)

we are family...

sooooo.... good news! My cousin was accepted to the neuro-rehab and should be admitted tomorrow :) I am so happy for that news because I have heard nothing but great stories about this place. I'm so glad God's will is for him to go there for his rehabilitation :)

Well I went to go see him one last time while he was still in town since I knew it would be a while before I can head down to rehab place he will be moved to. But I towards the end of my visit, my aunt (the one who has disowned us) showed up with her husband, kids, and my grandfather (her dad). She saw me and turned around talking about how she'll "be right back". It makes me sad that she is not prepared to act like an adult in this situation. But, I cannot control her actions or her feelings toward my family... I can only control my actions and my feelings. I know all the aspects of the situation are God's will, so I will never really understand the bigger picture here. But I do know that those I share that 'family' feel with, I am blessed to have in my life. The family that I do still talk to, I would do anything for (and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual).

The whole situation sucks (in my opinion), but it's not under my control. We've all done what we have done, and that is that. I have pretty much made my peace with what she has done (for the most part), and she can face what she has done when it comes her time with God (as we all got to).

Monday, Monday

today started off kind of blah, but it definitely ended on a good note :)

Went into work later than usual since my neck was bothering me, and the day was kind of slow. But I was able to finalize an overnight trip to Texas to see some family I hadn't seen in a while :) I also got to hang out with my bff who I had not seen in a while. Also, I am working on finishing up a care package to send to my deployed bro-in-law later this week :)

My cousin BJ was evaluated for the neuro-rehab center again, but this time his responses were much better. We should know tomorrow on whether or not he was accepted or not (but supposedly his chances looked good).

Busy week ahead:
tomorrow (Tuesday): pick some blackberries after work at a co-workers (yum!)
Wednesday: Dr. Reid/Criminal Minds season finale night @ Emma's
Thursday: hang out with Nik/Superior (?)
Friday: SatC 2 with some of my favorite ladies!
Saturday & Sunday: trip to TX :)
Monday: no work (declared a holiday for state employees)!

light and dark, life and death... both sides of prayer

While talking to a friend today, she had told me some sad news... a friend of her's who was sick in ICU had died. It made me sad for her and for the girl's family because I had just said a prayer for her the night before.

It made me think about prayers. We like to think that God answers our prayers by doing what we ask. When in actuality, we pray that the prayers we ask of him are his will, because that's what God does... his will. Sometimes his will are the same as our prayers, sometimes they are not.  When that happens, we tend to be sad and not understand why our prayers were not answered. We are not seeing God's bigger picture or his plan. I have faith everything happens for a reason, and that everything will work out how it is supposed to. I do not try to understand God's will because I am not meant to.

Of course I am happy that God's will and my prayers for my cousin are generally the same. He is doing so wonderful. He is so awake and alert and moving around. Hopefully he will be talking and walking soon. And of course I am sad that God's will and my prayers for the girl who died were not the same. But I am trying to think of the fact that God took at her at that moment for a greater, yet unknown reason. I know I still struggle with my grief and confusion from losing several of my close family members because I still struggle to understand what I am not supposed to understand.

Even though his will and my prayers do not always mesh, it does not make me pray any less. In fact it makes me pray more. Prayer is like my own personal conversation with God, and it is never one-sided :)

I really wish my recovery were going faster than this... because waking up at 2:30 in the morning because my jaw is hurting is not my idea of funsies :p

off to the see the doc this morning for my followup...

12.0/3.0 =

well, it equals 4.0 which is my GPA for the semester :) yep got A's in all 3 of my classes. I am proud to say that I definitely worked hard to earn those 3 little letters. So that means 6 semesters down, only 3 semesters (that's only 6 classes) to go!!! guess I should order my reward soon (see previous post)...


I went to work today and survived working a full day (8.3 hours to be exact). My pain medicine makes me a little sleepy, so it was a little hard to stay awake, but I did it. It was weird to not really talk all day (guess this means I talk too much!), but I survived.

I am feeling much better than I have been. I think this will be my last night at the parent's house sadly, but I am ready to get back to my own bed :)

well bout to get ready for bed since another full day tomorrow!

love and prayers to all :)